


Right in Front of You

by lodgeladyv



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 14:35:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11693709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lodgeladyv/pseuds/lodgeladyv
Summary: Sana is forced to face Yousef after she cancels their date.





	1. An Awkward Family Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> ** I started writing this fic after Sana talked with her mom, but before Maghrib dropped. So, only events until that part are relevant to the story.

This was exactly what she had needed, Sana had thought as she opened the door to her home. She had spent most of the night riding around in Los Losers with the girls. Despite the current heat hitting Oslo and her fasting, it had still been a magical evening. The past few weeks there had been an impenetrable wall between Sana and her friends. Partly, it was self-inflicted but the pain Sana felt had been so excruciating, isolation felt like the only solace. When she opens the door, she heard faint chatter from the kitchen. Sana looked at her phone, her fast was just about to end.

“Hey you!”, she hears a familiar voice calling. It startled her and she jumped up slightly frazzled. She scanned the kitchen to see where it was coming from. Her eyes fell on a tall, bearded man sitting beside her father at the kitchen table. The man seemed familiar, but Sana couldn’t place him. “Remember me?” he said excitedly. It took a moment before it dawned on her.

“Oh, yeah from the café,” she thought back to the failed, let’s make Noora and I get over William and Yousef trip. It seemed so long ago. Like the whole thing had happened to a different Sana. So much had changed the following weeks. And yet so much had stayed the same. She was still hopelessly trying to get over Yousef. 

“You two know each other?” Sana’s father asked surprised.

“Not really,” the guy admitted sheepishly. Sana still couldn’t remember his name. Jonas or Ali? “We talked briefly at Grønland before she ran off. You were with a friend, blonde?”

“Noora”.

“Ah, Noora”.

“Small world,” Sana’s father mused. “Jonas is going to shadow me at work for a day”

“Mom and dad are trying to entice me to become a doctor”.

“Parental expectation. Can’t relate,” Sana smiled teasingly motioning to her parents. This made her dad belly laugh. She glances at her mother who’s fixing dinner. “I’ll be in my room,” she says, trying to excuse herself, but her father won’t let her. As she turns around, Elias with Mikael, Mutta, Adam and Yousef trailing come barging into the kitchen. Sana freezes.

“Dinner ready?” Elias asked their mother.

“In a moment,” her mother answers. “I had to cook a lot today given all of our guests”.

Sana tries desperately to avoid Yousef’s eyes. But she could feel his stare burning. She couldn’t deal with the guilt that surrounded being around Yousef. Sana wanted nothing more than to be alone with him, to explain that she liked him and that she wanted to be with him. But she knew in her heart her mother was right. She didn’t tell her anything Sana didn’t already know. A relationship with a non-religious person would be extremely difficult. Maybe the rush of knowing Yousef’s feelings had just left her brainless. She hadn’t even thought about it until Eskild started rambling last Saturday. But she was determinant to not let it stop her. She was going to see out her feelings for Yousef. It wasn’t until standing in this very kitchen with her mother that reality set in. While everyone was distracted, she tried to slip out of the kitchen. Around her, Elias and the guys were chatting with their dad and café guy. Although Yousef was noticeably quiet during this exchange.

“Where are you going?” Sana’s father said noticing her.

“Homework”.

“It’s the end of the year. Haven’t the grades been handed out yet?” Elias wondered.

“I don’t half-ass school, Elias, unlike someone here”

And that’s how it happened. How Sana was forced to sit through dinner with Yousef and her mother. She couldn’t help noticing the way her mother eyes moved from Sana to Yousef. Sana recognized that expression. It was her thinking face.

“You know Sana wants to be a doctor too. She’s currently in her second year of VG” Sana’s mother said, interrupting the silence. The only thing you could hear was everyone pouring food down. Yousef was tapping his plate with his fork trying not look directly at Sana. He was keenly aware that he was the only one in the room who hadn’t spent 19 hours fasting. It made him slightly embarrassed.

“So, the university thing was a lie” he heard the strange man say, almost laughing. Sana looks up with an apologetic smile.

“Busted. Did you really think we were studying shopping?”

“You two know each other?” Elias interjected. Finally, someone saying what Yousef had been thinking. How did they know each other? He looked at Sana, then at the guy and back to Sana trying to figure it out. 

Sana paused. “Yeah we met a few weeks ago at a café”

“My friend Ali and I were hopelessly trying to talk her and her friend. Totally rejected us. At some point, she got a call and ran off”

“Sorry about that” Sana said apologetically. Jonas laughed it off. He didn’t break eye contact with her. And she smiled warmly back at him. It was the type of smile Yousef recognized. He used to get those. He would catch Sana look at him, and he would smile back at her, and for those brief moments, it always felt like they were the only two people in the world. 

“So, what are you boys doing tonight?” her father said snapping Yousef out it. 

“Hanging, mostly” Elias replied. “It’s Yousef’s last night before he leaves”.

“Leaves?” their father asked.

“I’ll be in Turkey all summer” Yousef replied. He couldn’t help himself. He looked at Sana, and her smile was gone. She fidgeting with her fork, and Yousef couldn’t but notice she looked sad. It made him incredulous. He didn’t understand Sana Bakkoush. He couldn’t understand how could go from sharing their smiles with this stranger to looking sad over him leaving.

 

“Don’t sound so sad about that. I’d love to go to Turkey. Vacation from work”. Before a moment could pass, Sana’s father turned to the stranger and said: “Don’t tell your parents I said that. Being a doctor is the greatest thing. But it’s exhausting, you know”

“Jonas’ mom says he takes his sisters to Friday prayer every week”. Great, Yousef thought. This guy is perfect. He’s perfect for Sana in all the ways Yousef wasn’t.

“Not every week. I do have to study” Yousef rolled his eyes so hard they almost fell to the floor. He felt a sharp elbow in his stomach, Mikael sitting next, must’ve noticed. 

“Tone it down, bro” he whispered.

“University is taxing. I’m sure you’re taking electives to get ready for medical school” Sana and Elias’ father said. 

“I’m sure, Sana would love to know more about that” their mother continued, eyes glinting with excitement.

“Mom,” Sana said slightly embarrassed.

“VG is done before you know it. You have to start applying next year”

“I’d love to show you around campus” Jonas exclaimed. Yousef almost fell out of his chair trying to gauge Sana’s reaction. He couldn’t read her face at first, but then a smile washed across her face. 

“Really?! I’d love that” she said excitedly.

“It’s a date!”

Yousef felt like someone had stabbed him. He wanted to sink into the ground and disappear. He briefly thought back to noticing Sana had texted him Thursday. The disbelief then excitement that Sana was reaching out to him and making plans with him. It was quickly followed by the gut punch when she replied to him that wasn’t available this week. He was in no mood to hang out with anyone. He kept his head down the rest of dinner. Just waiting for the moment, he could leave.  
\----

“What the…” Mikael started. The boys were sitting in the garden. Yousef had to get out of the room. He felt a sharp pain whenever Sana and Jonas would interact, and it wasn’t Mikael trying to make him hide his frustrations.

“Is it just me or was your mom trying to marry Sana off” Adam laughed.

“What? No! My parents just know how important school is to Sana”  
“It must’ve been rough to hear all of that” Mikael turned to Yousef.

“It’s fine” he muttered under his breath, playing with the grass, remembering Sunday, Sana had talked to him for the first time in forever. He had tried to tamper his excitement and seem cool during their interaction. It had resulted in him barely looking at her and throwing grass in her face. Decidedly uncool.

“I mean, Sana cancels her date with you and practically plans one with beard dude in front of us” Adam continues.

“Why would she do that?” Mutasim asked. “Why is she so hot-cold on you?”

“I don’t know. I really thought that we had broken some ground after I followed her home. And then I see her unfriending me on Face

“It’s…” Elias started. “I don’t think you should read so much into it.”

“Dude, is there something going on?” Yousef asked. He was desperate for answers. In truth, he had also wondered why Sana changed her view on him so easily. He thought back to her smiling at him at Eva’s birthday. The bewilderment he felt when he noticed her continued gaze. 

“I don’t know. I thought she had worked through it but apparently not” Elias mused.

“What?!”

“…That… you’re not Muslim” he stuttered, not looking at Yousef.

“Anyone wants to play football” Mikael chimed in. “I think Elias and Yousef need to talk”

“But I want…”

“Come on!” Mikael insisted, trying to force Mutta up.

“Look, I know my sister likes you. It obvious” Elias began. Was it? Because Yousef had spent months trying to parse her every word and smile, wondering if she was being friendly or if there was more to it. It would’ve been nice to be clued into the secret.

“She really struggled with it. Sana is extremely committed to her faith” Yousef knew that. He would never in a million years do anything that would go against that. “That’s always been important for her. She’s never shied away from being perceived as different even when it hurt her because of the joy Islam brought her. I know she likes you because…” he trailed off, stopping himself briefly examine Yousef before continuing. Was it really worth it telling his friends all of this if it led to nothing? “Because for a moment there she really seemed to struggle with some aspects of Islam. Specifically, the part about Muslim men being able to marry non-Muslims but women aren’t. Like she said, Sana doesn’t half-ass anything.” Elias smiled. “She goes in with her whole being. She’s not going to semi date you for three months and break-up. She’s thinking ahead. She doesn’t want to start something, she knows can’t last. I don’t think she’s intentionally trying to lead you on or anything. She’d never do that. I think she’s really struggling. It’s not fair for you. But try to see it from her perspective. This is tearing her apart.”

Yousef nodded. Admitting defeat.  
\---------

“So, you’re going to call me?” Jonas asked while typing his number into her phone. They were standing on the steps of her house. The garden just barely in their view. Sana had Elias’ hushed voice in the distant. She tried not to look in that direction keeping her eyes squarely on Jonas.

 

“No, I’ll just save for good luck,” she quipped back. He laughed at this stupid joke, which couldn’t help but make Sana smile.

He seemed nice, she thought. He wasn’t too bad to look at either. So, why wasn’t Sana more into this? She glanced towards the garden where Elias and Yousef were engaged in what seemed like something serious.

“Earth to Sana,” Jonas yelled, making Sana jump a little.

“Sorry.”

“You seem preoccupied.”

“It’s my brother Elias. He’s going through some stuff,” Sana lied. It wasn’t technically untrue though.

“We need to figure out something soon,” Jonas said.


	2. Everything Has Changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yousef returns from Turkey and things have changed

It was a surprisingly sunny day in Oslo. The docks were brimming with people. Children playing. Teens skateboarding. Sweet old married couples gazing into the ocean. It finally felt like summer. Sana sat observing her surroundings. 

“Sana!” Jonas yelled waving his hands in front of her face. “Are you there?”

Suddenly, Sana snapped back into reality.

“Of course.”

“You seemed distracted.”

She didn’t want to mention that today was the day Yousef returned. Elias had been counting down the days, and secretly Sana had been too. Jonas was happily eating ice cream in front of him. Sana had briefly zoomed out, his voice disappearing as background chatter. 

Sana tried to refocus, she squinted her eyes trying to concentrate on a particular feature. He had nice eyes, she thought. He laughed too hard at her jokes, but it was weirdly endearing.

“I’m just sad summer’s going to end. School is starting” she lied.

“You love school.”

“Yeah,” she said trying to find the perfect lie. “But it’s going to be my final year of VG. I almost don’t want it to end. I don’t want to be separated from my friends”. 

“Change can be good. Sometimes not being around people all the time can make you closer.” He mused.

She reached out to hold his hand. “That was terrible reassurance. But thank you” she laughed half-heartedly. 

Jonas squeezed her hand. Sana looked at their hands, fingers interlocked with the sunny ocean front as their background. It almost felt right. She wondered how they looked from the outside. Did they look like a happy young couple with their bright future ahead of themselves? Or, was it like those boring old paintings where you had to analyze if the woman was happy. Was she? Sana felt her phone vibrate. She had received a snapchat from Elias. She absentmindedly opened it. Her heart stopped.

“Here we are. Oslo Airport, what up?” Elias shouted. He was surrounded by Mutasim, Adam, and Mikael.

“The prodigal friend is about to return!” Adam yelled with his arm wrapped around Elias. The snap ended and another one started playing. Yousef was seen coming towards the camera and he was promptly tackled by Mutasim and Mikael. 

“Anything exciting?” Jonas asked. 

“Huh?” Sana said looking up at him. “No. Nothing important” 

She couldn’t quite figure out how she felt. Yousef was back. He was in Norway. He was in Oslo. She put down her phone and squeezed Jonas hand tightly.

“Where were we?” 

It felt good to be back in Oslo, Yousef thought. Mask Off by Future was being sung off-key by Mikael and Adam in the front seat. Elias had a camera shoved in Yousef’s face.

“Stop that,” Mutasim said. “We have plenty of footage for the video”

“Come on, man. The audience missed Yousef.”

“The comments were obnoxious,” Mikael rolled his eyes.

“You guys are just jealous because I’m popular,” Yousef teased. 

“No, we’re not,” Adam whined.

Yousef smiled to himself. He was aware of his popularity with the audience. The countless where is Yousef?? comments hadn’t hurt his confidence either. He looked at the window and observed everyone they passed by. At one point a group of hijabis caught his eyes. For a moment, he thought he saw Sana, which made his heart stop. He did a double take and blinked furiously to get a better view. The girl revealed her face and he fell back into his seat. It wasn’t her. Elias must’ve noticed this because his expression changed and he turned the camera off.

“You okay?”

“Just tired” he lied. “Can you drop me off by my place”  
“Dude, no way! We’re recording a video”

“I don’t really feel like it today” I don’t really feel like going to Elias’ house, he thought to himself. He didn’t feel like seeing Sana today. He doesn’t think he could handle it.

\-------

LOS LOSERS

Eva: Hello!!! Yousef’s back!

Sana: How do you know?

Eva: Adam’s snap story?

Vilde: Yossi *hearteyes*

Noora: How do you feel about that Sana?

Sana: should I feel a way about that? 

Vilde: You two did almost have a thing

Sana: Yes, almost. I’m with Jonas now.

Chris: Yossi is back??? I thought he wasn’t coming back until August.

Eva: Chris, it’s August.

Chris: No, it’s July

Noora: Chris, look at the calendar.

Chris: 

_white_man_blinking_gif  
Chris: WHAT THE FUCK. SCHOOL IS STARTING SOON. FML. 

Vilde: third-year bitches! Party!!!

 

Eva: Bye VG! 

Chris: btw, you saying you’re with Jonas always freaks me out. I keep thinking Eva’s, Jonas. 

Eva: Jonas is not my Jonas. 

Chris: you know what I mean. But imagine Jonas-Jonas and Sana  
Eva: .....

Noora: Have you talked to Yousef since that dinner? 

Sana: I’ve barely talked to Yousef in three months. 

Noora: Sorry 

Sana: it’s not your fault.

Vilde: You should talk to him. 

Sana: I don’t think so. What would I say?

Vilde: Something. Anything. You can’t let this just hang in the air. It’ll get awkward. 

Eva: that’s really great advice Vilde <3

Vilde: who says I’m not thoughtful??? 

Chris: no comment

Vilde: shut up, Chris.

Chris: you know I love you V! Kisses 

Vilde: Love you too <33333\. Almost as much as Sana loves Yossi

Sana: ......

Eva: *dead*

Noora: True!

Chris: #TeamJonasJonas 

Noora: #TeamYossi 

Vilde: YOSSI IS MY THING 

Eva: Yossi or Jossi? 

Sana: I hate all of you. 

Sana: Night <3333

Eva: Sleep well beauty <3333

Chris: Seriously tho. Imagine Sana with a beanie and dank Kush.  
\------  
Elias Bakkoush 

Elias: Hang at my place?

Yousef: don’t think so.

Elias: Sana’s not home if that’s the problem

Yousef: it’s not.

Elias: OK 

Yousef: It’s not!!! When do you wanna meet?

Elias: you’re the worst ;) 

Yousef: Do you want me to come over? 

Elias: 13:00

Yousef: Deal 

 

\-----  
It felt weird being back at the Bakkoush house. Yousef tried to cleanse his mind of the bad memories. He focused on all the great times he and the guys had here. He remembered the SMS chat roulette video where he thought he might literally die laughing. Adam’s former crush talking back to him almost killed him. Yousef threw himself on the couch.

“Make yourself at home” Elias teased.

“Go to hell” Yousef laughed.

“Hungry?” 

 

“Starving” Yousef whined. Elias disappeared into the kitchen. Yousef looked around the living room, which was filled with family pictures of Sana and Elias. He smiled as he saw a picture of a 6-year-old Elias crying and a 4-year-old Sana smirking in the background. Yousef laughed to himself. If that didn’t describe their dynamic, he thought. When he heard footsteps in the distance he froze. She wasn’t home, he reassured himself. In the corner of his eyes, he noticed a black shadow. Suddenly, she appeared. She stopped dead in her track when she saw him. Yousef stood up instinctively. She was as beautiful as ever. For a moment, he saw her dimples pop out and her eyes bright. She quickly corrected herself until a neutral expression.

 

“Hi,” she breathed. She couldn’t believe he was standing in front of her. He was standing by the window, wearing a white shirt that popped on his sun kissed brown skin. Her head became dizzy. 

“Hi”, he replied almost as breathless. She studied him. His face seemed harden. Like he was trying not to let her read his expression. It made her gulp. Yousef had always been so happy and carefree. It was one of the things she liked the most about him. He was a relentlessly optimistic person who always managed to make Sana smile despite herself.

They stood there in silence for a beat too long. Neither of them knowing what to say.

“So…” Sana began, her voice almost echoing. “How was Turkey?”. She internally cursed herself. How lame was that? 

“Warm,” he replied. Short. No emotions. 

“At least you had it better than here”, she smiled, trying to break the mood. Again silence.

“So…” they both began, stopping themselves they both laughed, which echoed into the empty living. He motioned for her to continue.

“How have you’ve been?”

“Good”.

“Good? That’s… Great”.

“Great,” he said drawing out the word and putting emphasis on it. 

“Good talk,” she said sarcastically.

“Great talk” he quipped back.

This was the stupidest conversation Sana ever had. Yousef slid his fingers through his hair while avoiding her gaze. She briefly thought back to the night where he walked her home from Noora’s. Are you looking into my eyes now? Rang in her mind. It had felt like such a game changer for them. He was finally seeing her. And she was finally seeing him. Neither of them were averting their gaze or being shy. If only Sana could’ve predicted the world of hurt that was coming her way. The silence finally became unbearable. She sighed and opened her mouth to talk. Again, she was interrupted.

“You and Jonas…” he began.

“Are hanging out” she finished. She didn’t know why she felt the urge to correct that. It wasn’t technically untrue, she thought. How many half-truths had she said these past few week, she wondered. Her relationship with Jonas was complicated. She didn’t know how to define it. A distraction, maybe.

“Serious?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. He’s a good guy”.

“That’s great. You deserve that”.

“Thanks, however, ” she said slightly embarrassed. Sometimes she wondered if she did. When she thought about all the effort Jonas put into their relationship and his sweet gestures and how cold it left her feeling, she concluded she did. Maybe there was something wrong with her? Maybe she was incapable of accepting kindness. “I’m sorry” she breathed. 

“You don’t have to apologize” Yousef smiled sheepishly.

“I feel compelled to. And I don’t even know where to begin. There’s a lot of things I need to apologize for”

“No there isn’t. If anyone is in the wrong it’s me. I kissed Noora” Sana flinched thinking back to that horrible night. “Or, she kissed me. But I was a willing participant”.

“I know. I saw you.”

“You saw us?” Yousef could barely believe it. He stretched out the words to make sure, he fully understood what she meant. Sana had seen him kissing Noora. Suddenly, it all made sense. Why she had acted so coldly towards him? Why she had seen so distant for so long? No, wait, he thought. She had smiled at him at Eva’s birthday. She had made plans with him. And she had reached out after the kissed. He had so many questions swirling around in his mind. None of this made sense.

“I thought you and Noora were dating for a while.”

“We weren’t,” he quickly corrected her. 

“I know that too. Noora told me at Eva’s birthday, which made me think you and I might have a chance”

“You did? Bu— but you changed your mind” he blurted out. Yousef was confused. He wanted so many answers. He subconsciously moved closer to her. 

“You ready to go?” The tall bearded dude appeared with Elias trailing him. Elias looked from Sana to Yousef clearly sensing the tension. Sana’s, however, seemed oblivious. Sana smiled to him. He kneeled to kiss Sana cheek, which made her blush. Yousef didn’t know where to look, so he started fidgeted with his hands, trying to look anywhere but at the seemingly happy couple.

“We’ll talk,” Sana said to Yousef before following her boyfriend out.

Elias closed the door behind them before joining Yousef in the living room.

“I tried to keep him out. Figured you two needed to talk”

“You set this up” Yousef threw himself back into the couch. He buried his head in his hands trying to forget the mind-boggling mortifying interaction. Elias sighed and sat down next to him.

“Sorry, bro. I needed to do something.”

Yousef looked at Elias. He put his arm around his friend, sighing.

“You’ve done more than enough. I’m grateful” he smiled.

Elias looked straight into Yousef’s eyes before turning around clasping his hands. He looked at his feet as he spoke, his voice low: “She’s not happy”

“She seems happy,” Yousef said watching where Sana had exited.

“She’s not. She’s forcing it”  
“I don’t want to know this, okay? I’m done with this”


	3. Too Close for Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yousef and Sana find themselves in close proximity

**Yousef Acar**

**_Sana_** : I think we should finish our talk

 ** _Yousef_** : I don’t know. Maybe things should be left in the past.

_Read_

* * *

**Los Losers**

**_Vilde_** : Party at Magnus’ Friday

 ** _Chris_** : Yeah bitches

 ** _Eva_** : Go Magnus

 ** _Noora_** : Who’s going to be there?

 ** _Vilde_** : the usual gang, the guys, Linn, Eskild and the balloon guys

 ** _Sana_** : What?!?

 ** _Vilde_** : Magnus invited Elias. He really admires him.

 ** _Chris_** : Sana, I thought you were over your “I don’t want to party with my brother” phase.

 ** _Sana_** : Elias isn’t really the problem here.  

 ** _Eva_** : YOSSI

 ** _Vilde_** : Why is everyone stealing my thing?

 ** _Noora_** : Yossi Yossi Yossi

* * *

Sana rolled her eyes at Noora’s latest response. She put her phone down and walked to the mirror. Her eyes caught the tiny pink bag with the makeup Jonas had bought her. She sighed. She had tried to dissuade him for spending so much money on her but he had insisted. Sana couldn’t help but feel her stomach drop as he paid for it. She had been careful not to open the package.

She heard a knock on the door. Jonas’ head peeked in. Sana turned around to face him, she could barely believe her eyes. “You shaved!” Sana exclaimed. “And your glasses are back?”  
“Contacts weren’t my thing. It was kind of blurring my vision”. 

“But do you need these hipster glasses,” she could barely get the sentences out before bursting into laughter. She reached up to remove his glasses.

“I can’t see,” he half-laughed feeling out the air, his hands reached her shoulders. She sighed.  

“Poor baby,” she mocked while giving him back his glasses. Ping. She glanced at her phone and saw a text from Vilde flash across the screen.  _Balloons boys are def coming._ She so didn’t want to go to a party at Magnus’. Kasper and Chris had gotten back together, so they’d be all over each other. William was probably going to be there with Noora. Isak and Even were going to their usual lovey-dovey self, and Magnus and Vilde would be turning on their borderline nauseating love fest. In short, it wouldn’t be fun.

Sana looked at Jonas, trying to blink his sight back, and a small idea started to form in her mind. What if she brought him? He hadn’t met her friends yet except Noora. Sana’s extreme compulsion to keep her worlds apart was a habit that died hard. Besides, it wasn’t like Jonas had asked to meet her friends and she hadn’t met his friends yet either.

“Got any plans Friday?” Sana asked.

“Wanna hang out?” he smiled. 

“Kind of. My friend Vilde’s boyfriend is throwing a party”

“A party? Huh”. He took a step back. Sana titled her head slightly surprised by his reaction. “I don’t know. A party with a bunch of 99’ers?”

“I’m pretty sure there’s going to be a 95’er, a 96’er and a 97’er” she countered. 

“Please. I want you to meet my friends and I want to meet your friends,” she led, trying to read his expression. “When is that going to happen?”  

“Sana, you’re 17 and I’m 23,” he reminded her.

“I’m very mature for my age. I can hang with your Uni friends. Besides, you’re very immature for your age. We’re a perfect match!”

Sana was acutely aware of their age difference. She always felt like his little sister when they walked down the street. Especially at the store, when a girl from his university had come up to them and Sana had no idea how to interact with this girl.

“Sana!” he said exasperatedly. Sana lifted her shoulders to her ears and tried to give her best puppy dog face. She had to strain her face into a smile that felt so unnatural.

“Will Yousef be there?” Sana stiffened, taking a step back, surprised by the question.  

“Elias is going to be there. I guess, his friends will be there too,” she said, trying to act casual. Jonas’ eyes got dark and it looked like he was trying to psyche himself up for something. “What’s wrong?”

“I just overheard a conversation your brother was having about you and Yousef,” he said biting his lip, studying Sana’s face. Sana tried to act cool.

“Oh?”

“Did something happen between you two?”

“No!” Sana laughed awkwardly. “I mean, we… for a moment there, it seemed like something could happen”

Jonas nodded taking all of this in. He sat down on Sana’s bed, clasping his hands together and looked at the floor. “You always seem distracted when we’re together,” he said as if he was trying to pierce a puzzled. “And you were really frantic after your talk with him the other day”

“It had been a long time since I’ve last seen him. He’s been in Turkey all summer”

“He’s been away our entire relationship, ” Jonas said as if something finally made sense to him. “I think we should take a break".

—– 

**Sana** : I think Jonas broke up with me 

 **Noora** : WHAT 

 **Eva** : What happened? 

 **Chris** : I’m so sorry 

 **Sana** : He overheard Elias talking about me and Yousef. 

 **Vilde** : You hadn’t told him about Yousef 

 **Sana** : What was there to tell? 

 **Noora** : Sana! 

 **Eva** : Are you okay? 

 **Sana** : I don’t know. 

 **Chris** : We’re coming over

 **Vilde** : Chris pick me up 

 **Eva** : Me too

 **Sana** : You guys don’t need to 

 **Noora** : We’re coming over and that’s that 

 

* * *

“I don’t want to be here,” Yousef whined as they stood in the Oslo suburb. “We barely know Magnus”

“Cheer up, Yousef. It’s a party!” Adam said clasping Yousef’s back. They had accidentally taken the wrong bus and ended up in the opposite end of town. It was the last time they let Mikael coordinate the route, Yousef thought.

Mutasim knocked on the door. The house was vibrating with music. “Smile, it’s going to be fun,” Elias said.

“I’ll try”.

“DUDES!!” Magnus yelled when he opened the door. He was already drunk, his skin bright red and words slurring. “Guys! The dudes are here! Everyone’s here”

“Sorry, we’re late” Mutasim apologized.

Magnus led them through the hall into the living room where everyone sat around a dining room table. Yousef scanned the room. Mahdi, Jonas, Chris, and Eva were playing pyramids. Isak, Even, Vilde and Magnus were amid a game of beer pong. Even’s face lit up when the guys entered the room.

Yousef’s heart stopped when he saw Sana sitting on the couch laughing with Noora. Every time he saw her, she was more beautiful than how he imagined. In that moment, it felt like the room went quiet and the only thing he could hear was her faint laughter. Yousef shook his head. He needed some air. He found the terrace and escaped to it.

“What are you doing!” he heard a light voice say. He turned around and saw Vilde standing in front of him. “Get in there!”

“What?”

“You’re chance with Sana?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sana has a boyfriend”

“Oh, that’s a rebound if I’ve ever seen one. She’s crazy about you,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Sana’s words replayed in his mind.  _I liked you_. The past tense made his skin burn up. He felt himself getting angry. Not at Vilde in particular. She was just the innocent person in his presence at the time. Before he could stop himself he just unloaded.  

“Why does everyone keep telling me that? Why does everyone but the one person who matters keep telling me that? Why does she keep telling me the opposite? I’m done. You know, I’m the type of guy who listens when he’s told no. Why hasn’t anyone considered that?”

“I’m sorry. I was just trying to help” she said almost tearfully. This made Yousef snap out of it.

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have lost my temper with you”.

Vilde nodded and came up with a flimsy excuse for leaving. He had screwed up. His hand found his forehead and he hit himself before running after her to apologize some more.

* * *

**Jonas <3 **

**Sana** : I’m sorry! Please forgive me

Sana sent a quick text to Jonas while observing the room. She was in the kitchen refilling her drink when she saw a tearful Vilde entering from the terrace. Sana caught Vilde in her arms. 

  
“Are you okay?” she asked her friend.

“Yeah, I’m great” Vilde beamed quickly turning back to her cheerful self. “You’ll never guess who I talked to”

“Yousef” Sana breathed noticing the dark-haired boy trailing Vilde. Vilde quickly turned on the tears before running out. She smiled sneakily to Sana before leaving the kitchen.

“Hi,” she breathed.

“Hi”.

“Enjoying the party?”

“People are interesting”.  

“Vilde is a character” he laughed half-heartedly.

“Yeah, she means well”.

“I think I made her cry”

“Oh?” Sana tilted her head.  Vilde’s mood change suddenly made sense. She didn’t know what that girl was up to, and she didn’t want to find out. She smiled at Yousef. “Don’t worry about that”

Yousef avoided her gaze. He looked around the small kitchen.

“Sana!” she heard a voice call.  Yousef and Sana both jumped. Yousef’s face fell as it revealed to be Jonas. Sana’s jaw was on the floor. What was he doing here? Sana prayed he couldn’t feel the tension. She snuggled into his side. Yousef started pouring himself some soda. He looked like he’d rather be anywhere else.

“We haven’t been properly introduced, I’m Jonas”

“Yousef,” he said emotionless. Sana looked at Jonas and saw his realization wash over him.  _So this was Yousef._ It was Sana’s turn to wish was anywhere else.

“You’re one of Elias’ friends? From the dinner?”

“Yeah. And you’re the doctor guy?”

“Well, the medical school thing didn’t pan out. Scared of blood” he said as a joke. It fell flat. Sana started laughing a few seconds too late, which only made the awkwardness increase.

“You look different. Glasses?” Yousef asked.

“I had contacts before and a good shave never hurt anyone!”. Again, Sana laughed. “Babe, please stop” Jonas pleaded.   
“Sorry”

“We should talk” Jonas turned to Sana, ignoring Yousef now.

“I should go” Yousef excused himself.

He escaped to the living room. Grateful to be away from the happy couple. “Maybe this is for the best,” he heard Sana’s boyfriend tell her.

“I don’t understand,” Sana said. It was the last thing he heard from that conversation before he was hit in the face with Isak’s drunk slurring.

“Magnus, where the fuck is the beer, dude”

“You didn’t buy enough beers?” Mahdi asked Magnus.

“I told you to buy it,” Chris said.

“I did buy it! Vilde, tell them I bought beer” Magnus whined.

“There’s a couple of six packs in the basement” Vilde finally clarified, which made the other guys calm down.   
“I can get it,” Sana said appearing behind Yousef. She sounded upset.

Yousef noticed her boyfriend was pointedly absent.

Before anyone could question it, she disappeared off to the basement. Yousef couldn’t help but follow her. He couldn’t stand to see her upset.

* * *

Sana opened the door and started feeling out for the light switch. She used her foot to keep the door open while letting the light from the hallway illuminate the tiny space in front of the stairs. Yousef appeared behind her, which made Sana jump and move closer to switch to make room for him. Their bodies were so close, she could feel his breath on her neck, which made the hair on her neck rise. She took a deep breath before she continued. This is so gross, she thought. Then suddenly, the door slammed behind them. Sana jumped at the sound. She turned to face the door. She didn’t even realize she had accidentally jumped into Yousef’s arms. He instinctively bowed his head down to rest it on her shoulder wrapping his arms around her.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “Just the door”. This made Sana step back and untangle from his body. Although, she could still feel his phantom body, which made her shiver slightly.

“I… Sorry about that,” she whispered. She moved past him to open the door. The small space was only lit by Yousef’s phone.

“Light the door” she instructed him in a hushed voice.

“What?” Yousef said not being able to hear her.    
“The door, Yousef! I can’t find the lock,” She yelled slightly panicked.  Sana felt terror wash across her.

The door locks from the outside. They were trapped. She turned to face Yousef whose expression she was unable to read in the dark. 

  
“We’re stuck, aren’t we?” he asked her, his voice booming into the basement.

She nodded before turning around to knock and kick the old creaky door. “Help!” she screamed at the top of lungs. Her voice echoed in the basement. Yousef started knocking besides her equally as intense.

“Can anyone hear?” Help us!” She doubted anyone was paying attention to it as they were on the other side of the house, the music was playing loudly and everyone w eremostly likely drunk.

Sana felt her heart beating faster. They were stuck. Yousef tried to call Elias, but the service was bad in the basement. Sana’s felt her face burning. She was almost grateful Yousef couldn’t actually see her. She tried to calm herself. Breathe, Sana, she thought.

“Sana?” Yousef said.

She tried to answer him, but she couldn’t get any words out. She was heaving desperately. Yousef placed his hands on Sana’s shoulder, trying to calm her down. It failed. As soon as his hands fell on her shoulders, Sana began to feel dizzy.

“Are you having a panic attack?”

“Whaaa-?! No!” She snapped.

“Sana, I think you’re having a panic attack”.

Sana being wailing at the door. She almost hit Yousef, which made him jump back.

“Heee—el—pppp,” she was able to spit out.

“Sana, I think you should sit down”

Shut up, she thought. But the words were failing her. All of the sudden, she fell to the floor. Yousef caught her. He put her head on his chest. He could feel her heart pounding. “Breathe in. Breathe out,” he repeated into her ear.

This was perfect, Sana thought. She had hoped bringing Jonas would make Yousef and her interaction minimal, but that had resulted in Jonas breaking up with her. And now she was stuck with Yousef in a basement having a panic attack. Just her luck.

Yousef was breathing in and out in order to stabilize Sana. She gripped his arms and buried her face in his chest imitating his technique. It actually helped her. She was still feeling dizzy, but she couldn’t tell if it was from the panic attack or from her personal space being so invaded. She didn’t care.

She felt tears streaming down her face, soaking Yousef shirt, but he barely flinched. “I got you” he whispered. “Everything’s okay”.

“We should talk,” she cried.

“I think we should focus on getting you better”.

“I don’t see how we could work,” she whispered into his chest. Her voice was low.

“Because I’m not Muslim,” he said while hugging her tighter.  

Sana looked up at Yousef. She could barely see him but she could feel the warmth radiating from him.

She cupped his face, sliding her hand down, her fingers slightly grazing his lips. She tried to focus. He was so beautiful, she thought. Yousef licked his lips. If Sana wasn’t so disoriented, she would’ve sworn he stopped breathing. Their faces lingered near each other.

“I really like you. And… If we’re together, I can’t see myself not loving you,” she whispered. She let go of his face and placed her hand on his chest. “What happens in three years? What happens if I’m still madly in love with you. I respect you, Yousef. I would never want you to comprise who you are. But I can’t see myself having a future with someone who doesn’t share my beliefs”.

“I wouldn’t want you to compromise either. I know how much Islam means to you”

Sana untangled from Yousef. She stood up. He got up with her, holding his hands out to steady her. She smiles appreciatively to him.

Sana sat down on the stairs, sighing hopelessly. Yousef sat down next to her making painfully sure there was a giant space between them. Sana played with her fingers avoiding looking at him.

“Are you still scared?” he asked her teasingly, trying to break the mood.

“Terrified,” she quipped back. “Luckily, I have big strong you here with me”. Yousef smiled, which made Sana feel like butterflies were dancing on her stomach. She hated the way he made her feel. Sana liked being in control, which became increasingly difficult when Yousef constantly made her blush like a school girl. Yousef kept hopelessly trying to call Elias.

“Thank you for getting us stuck in here” she teased. “And thank you for helping me through that”

“Anything for you, girl” he smiled.

“Jonas and I broke up,” she confessed as Elias and Magnus opened the door to the basement. They were free. In more ways than one. 


	4. Meet Me Halfway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yousef and Sana find common ground

“Are we ever going to talk about what happens at Magnus’ party,” Elias head peeked into Sana’s room.

Sana sat in her bed, head buried in her books. “What?” she looked at her brother. She had tried to repress the memories from Magnus’ party from being dumped to her confessional lock-in with Yousef. 

But she knew Elias wasn’t going to let it go. The look on his face when he had rescued Sana and Yousef said it all. She was surprised he had waited this long.  

“You know what I mean. You had a panic attack”. 

“It was nothing”. Sana tried to downplay it.

“I get it if it was emotionally overwhelming. Jonas had dumped you. You’re still dealing with your feelings towards Yousef. You were stuck with him in a small space. It’s okay to admit it”.

Sana’s eyes fell.

“I don’t even know why he likes me. I’ve been awful to him”. Her voice was barely audible. She sounded like a hurt child.

 Elias sighed.  “He hasn’t exactly been an angel either. Call him”.

“I don’t know.” Sana pursed her lips. She didn’t know else to say to Yousef.

“Oh my god,” Elias exclaimed. “You two are impossible”, he laughed to himself before exiting her room.

“Elias!” Sana called. He turned around to face her. “I love you”.

“I love you too, sis”. He gave her a smile before leaving. 

Sana pushed her books and reached for her phone. 

* * *

**Sana Bakkoush**

**Sana** : Hey, do you wanna hang with me?

 **Yousef** : Of course, I want to hang with you

 **Sana** : Ok. When?

 **Yousef** : Friday. I’ll pick you up around 8pm.

 **Sana** : What are we gonna do?

 **Yousef** : It’s a surprise

 **Sana** : I hate surprises

* * *

Sana and Yousef walked in silence to the nearest bus stop, making small talk about the guys and Sana’s excitement for school. She was surprised when Yousef motioned for them to get off. She’d never stopped at this stop before. They walked for a few minutes down an empty road before Yousef stopped dead in his track. Sana frowned her brows, looking around. Where are they? She thought. She finally saw what he was motioning towards. A small neon light that read: “ _Acar’s classic Turkish food_ ”.

Yousef started walking towards a small staircase that revealed a hidden away restaurant. The restaurant was barely lit, the only light bounced off the mosaic glass on the walls and created a yellowish tint. It was mostly empty. Only three tall dark haired men with olive skin chatting in the kitchen. Yousef ushered Sana into a booth in the back.  She observed the hand painted paintings that adorned the walls.

By the register, Sana saw a photo of a younger Yousef, she smiled to herself and pointed to it. Yousef blushed slightly and ran his fingers through his hair. She laughed at his obvious embarrassment. He waited until she sat down before taking the seat directly across from her. The booth was tiny, so their knees touched, a fact that neither seemed to mind.

“Are you hungry?” he asked. “They can cook whatever you like.” He pointed to his cousins whose head were stacked on top of each trying to peek a glance out of the kitchen.

“You decide”, she smiled.

Yousef’s eyes barely looked at the menu before calling over one of his cousins. He whispered something in his ears, and a smile washed across his cousin’s face as he eyed Sana. He quickly disappeared into the kitchen.

Sana narrowed her eyes. Suspicious. “Are you going to poison me?”

Yousef laughed. “Always so on guard?”

“I mean, you have taken me to a strange part of town and there are currently three men in the kitchen. What’s a girl gonna think?” She smiled motioning to his cousins. She wondered if they were ever going to get their food, or were they just going to stare at them the rest of the night.

Suddenly, her phone started buzzing. The girl’s group chat was going off after Sana stopped answering. She glances at the phone, saw a “Life is NOW” message from Eva and chuckled. Yousef furrowed his brows.

“Jonas?” he asked, a little sadly. 

Sana looked up at Yousef. He looked like he’d been kicked. 

“Why are you so focused on him?”

“Maybe I’m jealous. He achieved something I wasn’t able to”

“And what’s that exactly?” Sana raised an eyebrow and titled her head.

“He got you to date him,” he said in a low voice, almost embarrassed. Sana felt her stomach drop. “How did he do that?” he asked genuinely curious. 

“He asked,” Sana replied.

Yousef let out a small laugh. “Ah, what a novel idea” 

Sana put her phone away and reached out to hold Yousef’s hand. He could feel it stiffen at her touch. “It involves a little thing called communication. Using your words”

“I guess neither one of us is any good at that” he chuckled.

“I guess.”

“How long has your family owned this place?”

“As long as I can remember”

“Many customers?”

She looked around at the mostly empty restaurant. Yousef noticed her gaze. He smiled to himself.

“No. I don’t know how they keep it open. It’s been in the red for years but it was my grandfather’s joy. He used to spend hours here. A home away from home”.

Sana eyes fell on all the photos and paintings of Turkish countryside’s and beaches. “I’m guessing that means Turkey”. She had been reluctant to ask about his summer. She still remembered his short non-answer a few weeks ago. And yet, the question stumbled out of her mouth involuntarily.  “How was your summer?”

  
Yousef paused for a moment like he was unsure of how to answer. “Weird.” He finally said. 

Sana was embarrassed. She couldn’t get anything more out of him. before she could change the subjected, Yousef continued: 

“For as long as I can remember I’ve never really felt like I belonged in Norway. There were always people who made it painfully clear that I was an outsider. I was a foreigner. I always thought going to Turkey would change that. I was finally going back to where I belong. But…”

“You feel like just as much as a foreigner in Turkey” Sana continued. The feeling was painfully familiar.

  
“Exactly,” he answered. He was about to continue when Sana couldn’t help but finish his sentence. 

“You’ve spent your entire life hearing from racists to ‘go back where you came from’ only to discover it’s not really home either”. Sana was painfully aware of this feeling. She remembered her first trip to Morroco when she was 6 years old. How different she felt among her cousins. How she could barely understand their accents. She had always thought she was good at their mother-tongue, better than Elias at least. But she quickly discovered that their parents had modified their language to make it digestible for Sana and Elias. And her cousins would always point out her “Norwegian accent”. 

“I feel like a melting pot, you know. A little bit of Norwegian culture, a little bit of Turkish culture. So sometimes I feel like…   
  
“You don’t really belong anywhere” again, she finished his sentence.

“Yeah”. Their eyes locked. Sana had never verbalized her feelings before. She didn’t think people would understand. Elias was better at not over-thinking things. He didn’t care what people thought. Sana was different. As much as she tried to project a no-fucks-given attitude, she cared deeply. 

“So, you’re just stuck in this gray area unsure where you should go”. She constantly felt like she was only half-right. She was born in Norway and lived here her entire life. Yet, she looked and felt so different from her peers.

Sana remembered when she first discovered she was different. It was in kindergarten when one of the boys, blond and blue eyed, asked her why she was browner than everyone else. She had never noticed that before. She remembered crying to one of the teachers about the boys remarked, and she had hugged Sana, telling her everyone in the North was so jealous of her beautiful skin. From that day onward, Sana knew she was different. It always seemed manageable until she turned 13 years old. And then suddenly, boys mattered, makeup mattered, partying mattered. While Sana decided, it was time to wear the beautiful hijabs her mother and the women of her mosque wore. She was so excited when her mother brought home a beautiful pink one, and Sana had looked forward to going to school wearing it that Monday. Only to receive strange looks from her peers and even some teachers. 

She, too, thought Morocco would be a place where everything felt right only to discover the distances was just as great.

Sana squeezed Yousef’s hand and smiled. “How about we’re stuck in middle together?”

“Do you really want to be stuck with me?” he smirked.  

“You handled things pretty well the last time,” Sana laughed.

* * *

They stayed at the restaurant for hours. Yousef could barely believe himself. He was sitting in his family’s restaurant with the girl of his dreams, eating his favorite dish. When Sana reached out to him, he had to everything in his power to stop him from jumping up.

Yousef told some stupid joke, which had made Sana almost cry laughing when her phone buzzed again. It was her mother wondering when Sana would be home. Yousef looked at the clock, it was getting late, they would have to leave if they wanted to catch the final bus. He had barely paid attention to the time. Where had it gone?

It was dark outside but you could already see the morning peeking through the clouds. Sana and Yousef walked extremely close to each other, their hands grazing a few times. Yousef took a deep breath before interlocking their fingers. He could see Sana smirking.

“What is this? What are we?” he asked her when they reached her apartment.

Sana looked at their hands. It felt right, she thought. “We are a we” she simply answered, which just confused Yousef.

Suddenly, she stopped and stood in front of him.  Sana placed one hand on his shoulder, yanking him slightly down to her level, and leaned forward on her tip toes. She lingered her face by his cheek, she could feel him stop breathing, before placing a kiss on his cheek. Sana could see him blush.

“How about we take it slow? I don’t want to ruin things” Yousef said, which made Sana take a step back. It was her turn to be confused.

“You won’t ruin things. What makes you think that?”

“Hello, have you met me?” he said loudly for comedic effect. “This could’ve happened months ago if I hadn’t messed up”

Sana sighed. She took both of Yousef’s hands and caressed them on her cheeks. Yousef felt goose bumps crawling up his neck. “I like you. I’m sick of being careful. I’m sick of taking it slow”

“I don’t deserve this.”

“I don’t believe that. I don’t believe life is dictated by whom is deserving of things. Life happens”

“Aren’t you Miss. Everything Has a Meaning? Isn’t that a bit of a contraindication”

“Does it have to be? Why can’t both things be true? Life happens and things have a meaning. That’s why you have to hold onto things that mean something to you. Especially if it’s right in front of you”. 

He hugged her tightly and watched her disappear into her home, just like that night so many months ago. He had desperately wanted to tell Sana he liked her that night, even thought about kissing her. But there was still so much unclear between them. Tonight felt different. Tonight felt like a turning point. 

* * *

**Los Losers**

Eva: SOOO

Vilde: Don’t leave us hanging.

Sana: We’re taking things slow

Chris: That’s probably for the best.

Noora: Why do you say that?

Chris: Cause things went kinda fast with Jonas and then it fizzled

Vilde: did it ever catch fire if Sana wasn’t over Yousef?

Eva: True

Sana: Kinda sick of you guys talking about me like I’m not here

Eva: Sorry babe

 


End file.
